Social Pull Factors

My dear friends,

In our last bulletin, the first in a series about pull factors, we talked about how much we cling to thoughts, demands, and various external causes that we imagine have a claim over our lives, ourselves, and our existence.

Today, we will discuss how our social life, place in society, and environment can act as pull factors over us.

In the 1990s, the zeitgeist was "we are moving into the age of communication." However, this age of communication very quickly turned into the age of manipulation, or the age of unconscious communication.

Today, advertisements, news, blog posts, and social media posts are used to capture our minds, shape our perceptions, and even make demands on our existence.

Without knowing what is right or wrong, without having any protective shield, we have found ourselves in a system designed to be manipulated in all kinds of ways from all over the world, to shape our perceptions and to hijack our minds.

Autopilot Thoughts and Alternative Perspectives

When we look around us, there are constant demands on our existence and our consumption habits. These demands are boosted by structures that want to lock us into their own belief or interest system by various means, such as advertising, information, news, blog posts, and social media.

Being aware of these requires us to live a conscious lifestyle. However, when we act unconsciously, we enter an autopilot thinking system .

In other words, we act without examining our recorded thoughts and memories from the past.

These autopilot thoughts shape our mood by determining our attitude towards events.

But these thoughts are not produced in line with the realities of the moment. They are memorized, having been registered in our minds long in the past, and often lead us into unhealthy emotions.

In order to be at peace with such pull factors, we need to ask more than the first thing that comes to mind, instead of just autopilot thoughts. In other words, we need to produce alternative thoughts.

• What are the facts and data pertaining to this moment; how else can I think as an alternative to my autopilot thinking?

• What alternative thoughts would shape the optimum solution for this moment?

Living According to the Opinions of Other People

Generally, we have become structures that act according to the appreciation and approval mechanisms emanating from the outside world.

• Dressing to please others,

• Writing, drawing, sharing for others,

• Buying things for others…

This whole cycle stems from our becoming dependent on a system of appreciation or belonging that actually develops outside of us.

We need to discard these as quickly as possible. Because as we turn inward, our sense of being at peace grows. External demands, external approaches, and external expectations are not optimized for us. These are the demands and needs of others designed for their own benefit.

Therefore, we should first meet our own needs . Only then should we meet the demands of others if they suit us.

And let's not forget this: you are valuable just the way you are.

Managing Pull Factors and Setting Boundaries

We structure our lives around our circles or areas of priorities and influence.

Our area or circle of priority consists of the things we value and pursue in our lives. Our area or circle of influence consists of the things we can control, do, and direct.

When these two get mixed up, we start to prioritize things that strain our circle of influence and are hard to reach, so we get lost in the pull factor’s draw. In short, a chasm forms between what we want to do and what we can do. This sows and feeds feelings of anxiety and inadequacy.

This is where setting boundaries comes into play.

To address this state of affairs we need to

• Establish a sweet balance between the priority area and the impact area, keeping our priority areas within a reasonable width

• Aim for things we can actually do and control

• Reduce unnecessary pull factors and lighten the burden they impose on us.

When we do these things, pull factors begin to lose their influence and we begin to live more peacefully.

Last week I went to an island. I met a friend there who had completely eliminated all pull factors.

I saw that they had built a beautiful pool in front of their villa.

But it's not your typical pool, it's just a plastic basin.

My friend put a few toys in it and a bit of laundry.

The child plays, does the laundry, and cools off.

They never think

• "Is my pool big or small?"

• "I wonder if there's any shame in being in this pool or not?"

• "What will others say?"

The child is truly living in the moment.

A place where you can exist in freedom, where there are no pull factors.

That child reminds us of Wordsworth’s insight “The child is father of the man”.

So maybe we should all try to be more like that child.

Please feel free to let me know about any topics you want me to write about, through the comments section.

With love,