From Pacifier to Digital Dummy: the Slavery of Activity Addiction

My Dear Friends,

Think about it –what was our very first unputdownable tool, as babies? A pacifier, right. Or for our British readers, a dummy. It calms us down, suppresses hunger, and gives us a sense of security when our mother or father aren’t around. It makes us feel full and at peace. But it also represents our first dependence on our security and comfort zones.However comforting it may be for the parent, and however much a feel-good factor for the infant, eventually it has to be given up.

Now let's think about what other "pacifiers" or “dummies” came into our lives after infancy? What other devices have insinuated themselves into our adult lives to pacify us?

One of today’s main problems is that we get flustered when running in neutral, even though nature designed our minds to be idle for long periods. These days when there's nothing around to activate or occupy us, we get caught up in a maelstrom of intense thoughts or anxiety. Nowadays, adults submit to digital pacifiers to gain relief from the ‘unbearable’ state of idleness, the most prominent of which is digital gaming.

Along with digital games, our ostensibly unputdownable phones and social media have become the pacifiers of the modern age. Never-ending scrolling pumps us up with dopamine. A like pops up, a moment of relief. A comment, and our need for approval is met. But here’s the rub: that good feeling passes swiftly and we immediately seek the next dose.

At this point, FOMO comes into play: “The fear of missing out.” If we can’t rival other people’s lives and apparent achievements or activities, we feel excluded or inadequate. The reason we keep a constant eye on our screens is because just like that pacifier, social media gives us a sense of security. And before we know it, we find ourselves in a cycle of addiction.

We mentioned examples from the digital world, but this addiction shouldn’t be seen as limited to that world. Today, many people embrace exercise, work, shopping, and consumption in this manner. The favored physical activity of a person who exercises completes their sense of identity. A workaholic gains a sense of self-worth through their perceived success. When a shopaholic buys new stuff, they gain a sense of control.

But they all come back to the same thing: escape. We are building a kind of shelter from the overwhelming emotions, the storm of thoughts, and the restlessness within us. And in this shelter, we feel safe for a while. Like a pacifier, these activities provide temporary relief. But then we need another dose.

When we question whether these activities represent a solution for us or not, we come across the concept of Displacement Theory – indulging in a momentary activity instead of actually addressing the problem. While genuine solutions are permanent, phony or oblique displacement solutions are palliative, transitory and do not really relieve us of our problems.

So What Should We Do?

There was someone to helped us when we were infants, by weaning us off our pacifiers. But as adults, that someone just isn’t there. No one will come and wean us off our digital pacifiers and other dummies. No one is there to say, "Enough, cut back on work, take a break, cut back on all that shopping." The point is that instead of displacement activity, we need to be aware of what we are doing and take real remedial action.

Babies don’t fall into a void when they give up their pacifier. They immediately discover something new. This is what we need to do. When we give up our “pacifier”, we replace it with something meaningful. We develop habits that will give us long-term rather than fleeting satisfaction. We should introduce nourishing things into our lives rather than gorge on waste.

The first step is to define boundaries. For example, limit and reduce the time you spend on social media. Put your phone to one side and engage in real conversations. Develop habits that produce serotonin instead of dopamine. Meditate, walk in nature, just feel the coffee during a coffee break. All of these actions feed what we call mindfulness.

Contrary to the chaos of modern life, our natural state as human beings is to feel at peace, with a sense of wellbeing and inner calm. Graduating to a conscious, mindful life allows us to regain that state of being at the very core of our existence, buttressing us against activity addiction or that “what am I missing, I am inadequate” urge.

One method to help us transit into mindfulness is to ask the simple question “What am I doing right now?” and grasp its significance. After all, most of the time we are in the zones of anxiety about the future or regret about the past. When we practice mindfulness, we gradually master the science and art of “moment hunting”. That is, we live in the moment, confronting the beauties or challenges of our lives to transport us to a state of being that is in harmony with our true nature. This is usually a calm, slow, peaceful journey; when necessary, we may occasionally use our resources of resilience and strength.

Learn to go with the flow on this journey instead of trying to control and anticipate everything. Calmly and deliberately submit to the essential flow of the river, stop flailing around in some vain and exhausting battle against the flow. Change course when necessary, hold on to a branch and rest, but don’t fight the flow.

The thing we call life is itself precisely such a stream. Instead of focusing obsessively on where we will end up, focus on the journey itself. Perhaps the greatest freedom of all is to be able to exist in the moment while flowing along on this wonderful current.