A Day in My Life – Part 5

Dear Readers,

I started my day at the land registry office, where I found myself watching an exchange between the security guard and a lady in her sixties. She began explaining what she wanted, politely. In line with the rules, the guard outlined the proper procedure. When she asked if there might be an easier way for her, he explained gently that everything now runs through the computer system, and there was no way for him to override it. She simply needed to follow the process.

In a heartbeat, her attitude switched. She turned angry, accusatory, even confrontational. When the guard told her that this wouldn’t change anything, she shouted back: “You can’t shout at me!” Thankfully, he had long experience of this kind of thing, and did not rise to the bait. He just quietly moved away and then turned to me: “It’s always the same. If I can’t give them the answer they want, they get nasty. If I tell them what they want to hear, they carry on all sweetness and light.”

Sure, people are tense. They are impatient. And even though shouting and blaming people never solves anything, it seems to give them something to hold on to. In the process, they lose their own peace of mind, like this lady, who became so upset she left the building altogether, while toxifying their surroundings with their agitation, starting in this case with the helpful guard.

I first visited Thailand forty years ago, and for the past twenty I’ve been a very regular visitor. One lesson I learned there has had a profound impact on me: The Power of Kindness. Over time I came to embrace it so fully that, wherever I apply it by helping people to feel seen, respected, and cared for, things tend to flow smoothly.

People instinctively respond to those who treat them as equals, who speak respectfully, who don’t talk down to them. They even rally around someone who seems a little clumsy, doing their best to help and support them.

The Power of Kindness lies in the smallest gestures. Today, try one simple act: hold the door, smile at a stranger, or thank someone you usually overlook. You will notice immediately how it shifts the energy of your day.

In our own daily life practices, the first essential skill is Radical Acceptance: begin by accepting the situation exactly as it is. The next step is Validation, conveying to the other person: “You’re okay. I hear you. I understand you.” When we build our response on that foundation, solutions usually appear more easily. People who feel respected and understood are far more willing to cooperate with us and not work against us.

Today, we need these skills more than ever. When something frustrates you today, instead of resisting it, pause and say quietly to yourself: ‘This is what it is right now.’ I assure you this acceptance will soften your response and mood.

The second theme I want to touch on is learning to say “no.”

A friend of mine admitted that, because he struggles with being able to say no to people, he ends up accepting every invitation, every offer, every conversation. It was only when I gently pointed this out that he recognized it in himself. “You’re right,” he said.

We’re all constantly bombarded by outside demands. And yet, the value of saying no—to others and to ourselves—is enormous. Throughout the day, I kept drawing my friend’s attention to moments when he could have said no:

• You didn’t have to have that coffee.

• There’s nothing rude about asking for water.

• You don’t have to eat everything on the set menu—skip the dish you don’t really want.

• You don’t have to listen right now. Politely explain that you have work to finish, and that you’ll catch up later.

By the end of the day, he told me he felt so much lighter. He admitted it would take effort to practice, but he was determined to try.

Let’s recall Mahatma Gandhi’s teaching on this subject:

“A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ uttered merely to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”

This means that sometimes, saying no is as good for you as saying yes is for others, perhaps even more so. This doesn’t mean becoming that person who rejects everything and pushes people away. But when the moment calls for it, let’s protect our body, mind and spirit by learning the strength of “no”. So today, catch one moment where you usually say yes out of habit. Take a breath, and try saying a kind but clear “no”. Feel the space it creates for yourself.

Yours in kindness and love, until next time.